The day I left Amman, December 23rd, 2016, it was so quiet, a Friday. Fridays in Amman are a peaceful break from a week full of noise. Of course I love the loud days of the Amman weekdays with noises of car horns, church bells, and call to prayer. But December 23rd felt almost too quiet and I had a sickening thought about never returning. Amman was starting to feel like home and I couldn’t imagine what Florida would be like - still like home?
Turns out the US State Department issued a travel warning for Jordan on that same day. I spent the entire day on a 13 hour flight, getting lost in the Chicago airport (sometimes I feel I get lost in more US than international airports..), and finally after many delays, reaching Jacksonville at midnight. The feeling that I might not be able to stay in Amman was now real. Luckily, my university approved the continuation of my studies, but some of the other Amman-study abroad bound hopefuls and academic year students were not so fortunate.
Many told me that returning home would feel strange. I can’t say it felt any different. I was happy to see my dog, drive my car, see a high school friend and get to go skiing in North Carolina. Honestly, I spent a few of my days moping over a heartbreak, long-overdue! Cheesy, right? I spent Christmas with my family and gathered more American-made gifts to give to my host family. It felt like a nice vacation and as soon as I arrived it was over. My mom and I headed to London and Athens for a week. I loved both places and was overjoyed to see a friend in London I hadn’t seen in two years.
That break made me realize how much I enjoy living in Amman. I watched Queen Alia Airport’s nighttime lights come into view sipping wine with a friendly retired ship captain from Aqaba. I spent a week on my own at CIEE’s break housing apartment, went on a few outings with other students and coworkers, visited good friends in Zarqa and continued my internship.
So many things are the same, yet so much is different. I’m into week four already and I feel oddly in limbo, one foot in and one foot out, in two places or no places at the same time. The same Amman I arrived in on August 29th of last year is not the same Amman I returned to this past January. But it’s me who has changed; Amman is different to me now, maybe it feels like home?
I’m in a new program for advanced Arabic learners. We’ve taken a pledge, six of us, and spend everyday 9-3 at our own office taking classes only in Arabic. I’ve realized that I know a lot of Arabic now and my Arabic and Turkish language levels are nearing closer. I have a research class in Arabic and will write about a topic of interest to me, producing my first research paper in Arabic by the end of the semester.
I’ve also gone back to working at my internship at Leaders of Tomorrow (LOT) and FOR9A, an NGO that empowers youth and young adults in the MENA region to be active leaders, change makers, and critical thinkers. I’ve been working on the LOT website and writing monthly newsletters. It’s been a great opportunity to learn how an NGO operates, daily struggles, stresses, successes and goals. I continue to learn even more from the people I work with and it’s been a great pleasure getting to know them. They have made me feel part of a community while being abroad and for that I’ll be forever grateful.
The newest part of my adventure has been my new host family. I arrived to an apartment of thirty people the night I moved in and there hasn’t been a single day without laughter, screaming, craziness, jokes, pranks, and lots of Turkish coffee. There is no need for the word “host, ”everyone has made me feel welcomed, at-home, and part of the family. The first day I arrived I knew the most difficult part of this entire experience would be leaving them at the end of the semester.
I have a mom, dad, three siblings close in age, three grandmothers, a grandfather, aunts, uncles, and too many cousins to count. We go to family gatherings, celebrating everyone’s birthday, including the ten or so other exchange students living among other family members. I’ve already learned and improved my language skills by speaking only Arabic with them. Everyone is patient and encouraging with me, making it easy to converse and practice.
I won’t talk about how much time I have left, I have all the time in the world.
Next week our program is off to the north of Jordan, on a retreat where we will continue classes and experience more Jordanian culture. Look for my next blog and more pictures after that!